


Filth

by Minne_My



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Awkward Crush, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28716789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minne_My/pseuds/Minne_My
Summary: Lady Chatterly's Lover has a lot to answer for
Relationships: The Captain & Lady Fanny Button
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Filth

The Captain paid no attention to Lady Button's shrewish tone two rooms away. Everything was filth to her, from the modern night dresses (negligees they were called according to Julian and there was no sleeping done in them, something that had never interested the Captain anyway) to the vulgar way that Julian lounged around in the kitchen.

Ten minutes later and Kitty and Fanny were still exclaiming over the same thing. He marched over to see what it was. It was a book. Small text. Boring book cover. But Kitty was chuckling over it delightedly and Fanny was looking deeply uncomfortable, still declaring it to be utter filth. But she kept her eyes glued to the page. And was…was she _blushing?_ It was hard to tell. The Captain read over her shoulder in curiosity and couldn't get his eyes off the words.

 _Words. My word…_ he thought dazedly.

By the time they had finished a chapter, both he and Fanny were feeling very odd indeed. If they had been flesh and bone, they might have even felt…well, slightly…they didn't want to say it.

The Captain looked at the Lady and both detected a slight…atmosphere.

'Wasn't that _such_ fun?' Squealed Kitty. ' _So_ naughty' she giggled. The faint responses didn't deter her from skipping down the hall.

The Captain cleared his throat and looked out of the window in embarrassment.

'Filth!' Said Lady Button faintly. 'I've never seen such things published.'

 _Lady Chatterly's lover?_ That was banned in his day!

'That book was banned in my day' he said, eyes firmly ahead. He tried to ignore Fanny's indignant wheezing and stared at Mike, hefting an axe and…oh dear.

Mike was sweating and groaning when clearing some stubborn shrubbery and it had the queerest effect on the Captain. He dared not look at Fanny. They were both staring out of the window breathing heavily. Mike unbuttoned his shirt and fanned himself. The ghosts at the window also resisted fanning themselves. After another minute of hard work, Mike stripped the shirt off, panting profusely. There was a simultaneous intake of breath at that. Alison looked across and saw them gawping.

The Captain and Fanny spun away from the window in shame. Mumbling excuses, they rushed away in opposite directions.

That night, Fanny threw herself out of the window as usual. The Captain sighed with exasperation at the scheduled interruption and for the rare need to talk to the harridan.

They tried to avoid Mike the next day but the memory of his muscled arms and sweaty vest kept them both embarrassingly mentally occupied. That night, Captain bellowed at Fanny and uncharacteristically, she stopped mid-glide, turned her head like an owl and glared at him. He stared back and stuttered.

'Did you?'

She looked offended.

'No. Did you?'

'No.'

He sounded offended but as her eyes shifted guilty to the side, they both stopped trying to pretend that the gardener from _Lady Chatterly's Lover_ wasn't living rent-free in their head. That he now resembled Mike just made it more awkward.

'Er' Captain started again but it was too late. Lady Button had thrown herself out of the window with a screech again.

The Captain sighed. That husband of hers had a lot to answer for. _Bastard._ He couldn't have killed her by poison or anything, no, he had to push her out of the damn window.

Later that day he enlisted Julian to change the clock to read to a more acceptable time of morning for her to announce her demise.

The two of them prepared for another awkward day in avoiding Mike, avoiding the book and avoiding each other. How were they going to get around this bizarre attraction they'd both felt for men working in the garden? And Mike of all people.

Their inward struggle was finally resolved when they all sat down to watch _Friends_ with dinner and Mike started shovelling nachos into his mouth like a ravenous velociraptor. Fanny looked utterly disgusted and the Captain shuddered in horror. Their corresponding glance didn't go unnoticed by Alison. They shook their heads at her question and stared at the screen, grateful for the distraction.

Thank the lord, that spell was broken.


End file.
